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Tom T Hall - The Best of...
Yeehaw! I gots me anuther country CD! These Bargain Bin Picks are bitter-sweet sometimes. Square, Daddy-O.... L 7. He does look like a Good Ole Boy, in a lumpy sort of way. Let's get started; this rompin-stompin’ CD begins with: The Year That Clayton Delaney Died - Nice song. Picking on an alcoholic guitar player. It’s hard rating stuff like this because I find that all 60s – 70s country sounds the same, so I have to go by the words this time around. I remember the year my cat died. I got more out of that though. Country Is - is a description of what, well, country is. Makes one yearn for the city. Kinda gay tune but I’ve heard this before. Probably on the Muppet Show or something. Can’t we just burn the Confederate Flag before it shows up on top of another car? Ballad of Forty Dollars - Forty dollars short of forty one. There we go again, somebody else is dead and Tom’s bitching that the dead guy owes him 40 bucks. Man, that’s ignorant. I’m thinking that “ballads” don’t have catchy choruses. It’s like spoken-word or Rap. Country is white Rap. Do the math: white+Rap=no good. A Week In The County Jail Or how I Spent my Summer Vacation. He sounds almost proud; like, “Hey, look what I did.” Honestly, though, all these songs are blurring into one big puddle of disappointment. This guy’s hobbies must be drinking, going to jail or knowing dead people. He should take up painting or needle-point. Old Dogs, Children and Watermelon Wine - I can't make up stuff like this, Folks. It starts off with, “’How old do you think I am?’ he said” - sounds like a practicing pedophile. And again with the drinking. It sounds like the words are a page out of his diary. More like diarrhea since it runs on, and on and on, and leaves you with a weird look on your face… Ravishing Ruby - Ah, Mexicaso purr for voir. I ’m surprised this isn’t about Cervasa. Also, it’s about time he’s singing about a girl. He doesn’t look like the type to like girls. Maybe it’s secret code for Ravishing Rudy – the guy he used to go parking with. Anyways, I thought of Dashing Diamond, Spiffy Sapphire, Excellent Emerald and Purple Horseshoes. I Like Beer - Hmmm…I like good songs but haven’t heard any as of yet. I see the target audience is…umm…retarded monkeys. Or people that wear bowling shirts. I’m sure someone’s doing Karaoke to this in some western bar. Complete with fake slurs. I’ll stick with Have A Drink On Me. That Song Is Driving Me Crazy - He doesn’t say which one, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t any one of the above mentioned gems that I had to sit through. It's as funny as 10 minutes of NASCAR. I Care - at this point, I wish I did. I thought I mastered “talk singing” but this guy could have easily been a Santa Claus at a mall. See, kids, because when you talk-sing, song keys don’t mean anything. As long as you have half a personality, it comes through and everything’s OK. You can tell that by listening to Tom, he has not much of a personality at all. What’s 90 degrees times 4? That’s right – a square. Faster Horses (The Cowboy and the Poet) - Whoa – metal! Still making Johnny Cash sound like Pavorotti though. And everyone knows that the greatest philosophers were cowboys. Anyways, more dumb words. Let’s see: “Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey and more money” because women rhymes with money. P.S. I Love You - Zzzzzzz. Huh? What? Late for the bus? Sorry, folks...nodded off. Unfortunately it’s not the Beatles song. I Love - This dandy collection winds up with the things Tom loves because earlier he only “likes” beer and doesn’t love it. And somehow, everything he loves, doesn’t fit with the timing of the song. I think he read the words with someone else’s glasses. I'm kidding - it sounded like he was on his death bed and needed some brownie points to get into Heaven: "Look, see? I love stuff. I'm a good drunk....er...person." Ah, to hell with you, Tom T. Well, this could be the worst one yet. You know how some types of music a good for a particular time of day or a certain season? I’m stumped. I guess as long as I’m not awake then someone else can put this on. |
