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Early 2019

Highlights in this Edition include:
On-Line EP, "Bright Ideas Vol 4", Current Single "Safe Space"; Most Recent CD "Dutch Oven";  New Videos, Jokes,
and That's About It

Welcom espalda, los hierros de los neumáticos!.

Gregg Koval 2019Happy New Year. Where does the time go? It's hard to believe that this site has been online for 19 years...in a row. Sure, I've slowed down on the updates over the last couple of years but that's because I do other things too. I didn't say they were important, I just do other things too.

Last year I didn't put anything out other than YouTube videos. Not a very good year for me. Most of last year was spent learning other people's songs for the band but for a brief moment earlier in the year, I managed to make an EP worth of songs for my Soundtrack to the Seven Deadly SkullsHave a listen, and download the whole thing if you like.

So the plan for this year is to put out another Bright Ideas which I'm almost done (honest), a follow-up to Dutch Oven (a real CD) around the middle of the year and then a Bright Ideas Volume 6 to wind down the year.  I think after the CD, I'll stick to online-only for everything.  There's a couple of reasons so it's not just a cost-thing, not that it's expensive.  IndiePool, who I've been using for years, is inexpensive and I highly recommend them.  A lot of it is time: making the cover, sending it away, approving, etc.  If I plan on having a Summer release, I have to make sure everything's done by the end of April.  And, I've done so many, I don't even get excited about doing them anymore.  Reading this back, maybe Dutch Oven is my last physical CD.

And more gigs with Ghost Note. Just did January 26 at The Player's Club which went well.  There's a gig in March on the 16th and one in June at the Lion's Head. When I figure out the June one, I'll post it here. And I'm having a good time being in that band. I mentioned last update that this will be my last band, so I'm glad it's with these guys. Here's the Wastebook link to the Ghost Note page.  Hop on over to my Ghost Note page.

Since I needed a good amp for playing out, I bought a Roland BluesCube Stage (60W) and it's just great.  I liked it so much I got a BluesCube Hot (30W) for home/spare.  I had to retire the Heil talkbox and I replaced it with an MXR Talk Box since the BluesCubes don't have a Speaker Out.  The MXR is really good though and I should have bought one years ago. I gave away my VOX Valvetronix 50 to celebrate the occasion but I still have a Spider IV amp to dump.  Man, that Line6 amp is awful.

I updated the Gear Page too.  It's been awhile

Thanks to RadioSpaz for having me in their playlist.  I'm not even sure when my songs are going to be played.  Even though I'm not a big sports fan except for hockey (Go Bruins), it's a funny site to listen to regardless.  Head on over.

Also, don't wear your sunglasses around your neck.  It makes you look ridiculous.

Articles/Blog Entries

It's Like Rap, Only Not Funny - A look at Slam Poetry

A Les Paul TV Model in Telecaster Yellow

Taking a WHMIS test soon?  This article might help.

Spiritual Awakenings - Easter reminded me of it.

Russian Breakup Letter

Feel-good E-mails - Ever accidentally get those sob story e-mails that old ladies e-mail to each other?

Mysteries of the Sun

What's going to happen today?  Find out here with a little help from yourself.  Click here to read how to predict your future (pdf).

Doing a Jigsaw Puzzle.

Office Copier Brochures.

How Chain Letter E-mails Ruined My Life.

A Look at Staying Healthy - Part 1 and Part 2

 Thought

It's that time of year again when people start to wear shorts prematurely.  For some reason, when it's a high of 50 degrees outside, you're guaranteed to see some yo-yo wearing shorts.

So when is the time to wear shorts?  Simple; ask yourself: Will I sweat if I wear pants?  If the answer is "No" then put your pants on.  If the answer is "Yes" then go ahead, wear your shorts.

Random Song from Me

Beach Whistle coverBeach Whistle, my first "real" single, is available at CD Baby.  50 cents.  Why?  Because a dollar for file is a huge rip-off.  Anyways, it's a fun song, and at under 2 and half minutes, you could play it 12 times in half an hour.  Have a listen or watch the fairly boring video.  On a good note, I'm raising Beach Whistle Awareness since more than a few people asked me what a beach whistle is, so I have them look it up.  I'm not doing it for them.  These people are adults. 

I'm at all sorts of places

Twitter, CD Baby, YouTube, iTunes,

Remember that Bright Ideas - Volume 4 is available for sale at CD Baby as well as Dutch Oven.  Don't go to iTunes since their mark-up is ridiculous (all that extra money must go towards promoting terrorism).

Latest CD Release

Dutch Oven cover


Dutch Oven

available at CD Baby, iTunes and even Dr Disc.

Thanks to IndiePool for the printing the whole shrink-wrapped package.
Head on over to the Dutch Oven page.

Latest Video



 

Visit the Videos Page
Songs

Here's the easiest way to hear the songs: through the player:

More on the Song Page




I gently got into bed beside her, kissed her neck and whispered, "That number you gave me at the pub tonight doesn't exist."

I threw my wife a surprise Bukkake party for her birthday.
You should have seen her face.

I met my wife while I was on holiday.
I said "What are you doing here and whose looking after the kids?"

If you are thinking about getting married but are unsure, ask yourself "What would Jesus do?"
Then remember that Jesus was never married.

As a joke I thought I'd sign up one of my mates to a gay dating website.
All was going well until the site came up with "E-mail address already in use"

Whenever I feel ill, I just go sit around the park for awhile and I instantly start feeling better.
I think it's the gazebo effect.

I brought a bunch of flowers for my first date with a vegan.
"That's really sweet," she said.
"Well I didn't know what you vegans ate."

I phoned the wife from work. "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you, and they're stabbing it?" I asked her.
"No?" she replied, sounding puzzled.
"How about now ...?"

I went to see a doctor about my premature ejaculation.
"Here's a simple tip," he said, "Think of your Grandma."
As I sat there holding my raging boner, I asked, "Ok, then what?"

My girlfriend complained that I treat her unfairly.
I said, "Geeze, someone woke up on the wrong side of the floor."

I was on a date with a gorgeous woman.
She said, "You're so funny. It feels so good to laugh. I haven't been able to laugh since my mother died."
I said, "You laughed when your mother died?"

I was in a job interview and the guy said, "What are your strengths?"
I said, "I'm not a very good listener."

Russia demands Internet users show ID to access public Wifi.
This is bad news for horny Russian brides everywhere.

I've never understood why the homeless look so miserable
It's not like they can get out the wrong side of the bed.

I can't say I'd find a better match than my wife.
Her cooking's perfect for my Bulimia

Which is more important, length or girth?
Turns out it's consent.

They've promoted that dwarf at work.
As if his head wasn't big enough already.

New releases this week at Blockbuster:
The staff.

I have sympathy for Justin Bieber throwing up during one of his gigs.
I'm sick of his music too.

My girlfriend thinks it's gross that I don't change my underwear everyday.
I think it's gross that she has to...

You know you're over weight when you get in the bath and the water in the toilet rises.

I went into a Vegan restaurant yesterday and I was looked up and down by the waiter, "Everything ok? " I asked,
"I think so, " he said, "I'm just a little unsure what to do next, we've never had a customer before. "

Britney Spears vagina is so beat up it's nicknamed Rihanna

This hotel has the worst mini-bar.
All the little bottles of booze taste like shampoo!

I was drinking at a bar last night when a waitress screamed... "Does anyone know CPR?"
I shouted "Hell, I know the whole alphabet."
Everyone laughed... Well everyone except this one guy.

Remind me, if I'm ever in hospital, make sure I'm never surrounded by my friends and family.
It usually doesn't end well.

As my wife lay dying in the hospital bed, she looked at me and said, "My life is flashing before my eyes."
"That's great," I replied. "See if you can spot where you lost my car keys last week."

Italy's nude statues covered for Iranian president's visit.
They may have made his 9 year old wife uncomfortable.

I was out with a woman on a date last night and she asked where I stood on abortion.
I said usually off to the side so I don't get blood on my shoes.
She left.

I spilled a bottle of Ritalin in my Ford Fiesta. Now it's a Ford Focus.

Feminism - The belief that women should be treated equally to men...
Except when women are treated better.

So a 103 year old man has married a 91 year old woman.
He couldn't find someone his own age?

I said to the doctor, "Could I have some tablets. I always get pains in my wrist after sex."
He said, "How long do they last?"
I said, "Usually until the police remove the handcuffs."

A man goes to the Doctor : He said "Doc I think I've got diabetes"
"What makes you think that?" replies the Doctor
"Well every time I fart I find candy floss in my underpants"

My Gran has diarrhoea. It's disgusting.
It almost made me want to take down the webcam in her bathroom. Almost.

After finding out that I had been having an affair my wife insisted that she would get her own back.
Two weeks later she confessed to sleeping with my best mate.
Jokes on her though, he's the one who gave me AIDS.

Although Stephen Hawking is disabled, he still remembers his first memory,
256k RAM

My brother and I laugh at how competitive we were as kids.
But I laugh more.

Don't try to understand women.
Women understand women and they hate each other.

How do you get every woman you ask to agree to having dinner with you?
Move to Ethiopia.

"Are you going to read Neil Armstrong’s biography?"
"Nah, He dies in the end".

I always keep a golf club by the side of my bed when I'm asleep.
Just so if anyone breaks in, they'll know I play golf and that I'm too boring to have anything worth stealing.