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Spring 2024

Highlights in this Edition include:
24th Anniversary of this Site and 20 years of online releases; latest album One For The Board; New Videos; Jokes
and That's About It

Feliz 24 Aniversario!

Me holding a fancy mugSpring is in the air and it's my favourite time of the year, weather-wise.  On a good note, the planet isn't on fire as we all found out in January.  If global warming is a thing, then I'm all for it.  Last Summer, during the now-"hottest year ever recorded", we didn't even get any days over 100F and we're usually good for a couple.  But that pesky carbon sure is a problem because the World's Dumbest Government is currently in Canada and they taxed plant food once again.  Awesome.  I was assured it wasn't a tax even though I'm supposed to get a rebate (which is conveniently less than what I paid into).

New songs are on the way.  Don't worry, I was never president at Harvard or MIT so these songs will be all original.  In the meantime, I still have to finish what I started last year, and that was a remix of 2013's Hard At Work CD.  It made more sense to finish it last year but I don't think there's anything wrong with an 11th Anniversary Edition of something.  The plan for this year is another instrumental CD.  Anything else will be a bonus.

Lots of interesting things going on in the world these days.  While I don't have a dog in the Middle East fight, I will say that if you invade a country and you shoot up a bunch of people, take hostages and have a list of demands, then you're probably the bad guy.  If everyone just got free Playstations, then the whole conflict would end just like that.

Anyways, have a good Spring and down forget to listen to the latest album, One For The Board:


And thanks for the visit.


A.I. has been in the news lately and I've heard that some people will use it to generate song lyrics.  Perish the thought.  I thought I'd compare some of my lyrics to what A.I. could put out.  Click here to see what happend...

It's Like Rap, Only Not Funny - A look at Slam Poetry

A Les Paul TV Model in Telecaster Yellow

Taking a WHMIS test soon?  This article might help.

Spiritual Awakenings - Easter reminded me of it.

What's going to happen today?  Find out here with a little help from yourself.  Click here to read how to predict your future (pdf).     

Finally, I don't have to buy anymore re-packaged Beatles' material.  While I like Now and Then, "the last Beatles song", I can't justify buying the $60 45rpm or buying the new Blue album for it.  I'm good with my Mono LPs/CDs, stereo LPs/CDs, US Albums CDs, Singles' box, remixes and my old Anthology, Let It Be Naked and BBC LPs.  I've dumped enough cash over the years on those guys to justify ripping the audio out of the YouTube video.

Have a listen to something else

The Spy Is The Limit 2023 Rerecords 


Gypsy Moth




 No Harm Done - 2021 Remix


Brightest Ideas




Dutch Oven


I gently got into bed beside her, kissed her neck and whispered, "That number you gave me at the pub tonight doesn't exist."

I threw my wife a surprise Bukkake party for her birthday.
You should have seen her face.

I met my wife while I was on holiday.
I said "What are you doing here and whose looking after the kids?"

If you are thinking about getting married but are unsure, ask yourself "What would Jesus do?"
Then remember that Jesus was never married.

As a joke I thought I'd sign up one of my mates to a gay dating website.
All was going well until the site came up with "E-mail address already in use"

Whenever I feel ill, I just go sit around the park for awhile and I instantly start feeling better.
I think it's the gazebo effect.

I brought a bunch of flowers for my first date with a vegan.
"That's really sweet," she said.
"Well I didn't know what you vegans ate."

I phoned the wife from work. "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you, and they're stabbing it?" I asked her.
"No?" she replied, sounding puzzled.
"How about now ...?"

I went to see a doctor about my premature ejaculation.
"Here's a simple tip," he said, "Think of your Grandma."
As I sat there holding my raging boner, I asked, "Ok, then what?"

My girlfriend complained that I treat her unfairly.
I said, "Geeze, someone woke up on the wrong side of the floor."

I was on a date with a gorgeous woman.
She said, "You're so funny. It feels so good to laugh. I haven't been able to laugh since my mother died."
I said, "You laughed when your mother died?"

I was in a job interview and the guy said, "What are your strengths?"
I said, "I'm not a very good listener."

Russia demands Internet users show ID to access public Wifi.
This is bad news for horny Russian brides everywhere.

I've never understood why the homeless look so miserable
It's not like they can get out the wrong side of the bed.

I can't say I'd find a better match than my wife.
Her cooking's perfect for my Bulimia

Which is more important, length or girth?
Turns out it's consent.

They've promoted that dwarf at work.
As if his head wasn't big enough already.

New releases this week at Blockbuster:
The staff.

I have sympathy for Justin Bieber throwing up during one of his gigs.
I'm sick of his music too.

My girlfriend thinks it's gross that I don't change my underwear everyday.
I think it's gross that she has to...

You know you're over weight when you get in the bath and the water in the toilet rises.

I went into a Vegan restaurant yesterday and I was looked up and down by the waiter, "Everything ok? " I asked,
"I think so, " he said, "I'm just a little unsure what to do next, we've never had a customer before. "

Britney Spears vagina is so beat up it's nicknamed Rihanna

This hotel has the worst mini-bar.
All the little bottles of booze taste like shampoo!

I was drinking at a bar last night when a waitress screamed... "Does anyone know CPR?"
I shouted "Hell, I know the whole alphabet."
Everyone laughed... Well everyone except this one guy.

Remind me, if I'm ever in hospital, make sure I'm never surrounded by my friends and family.
It usually doesn't end well.

As my wife lay dying in the hospital bed, she looked at me and said, "My life is flashing before my eyes."
"That's great," I replied. "See if you can spot where you lost my car keys last week."

Italy's nude statues covered for Iranian president's visit.
They may have made his 9 year old wife uncomfortable.

I was out with a woman on a date last night and she asked where I stood on abortion.
I said usually off to the side so I don't get blood on my shoes.
She left.

I spilled a bottle of Ritalin in my Ford Fiesta. Now it's a Ford Focus.

Feminism - The belief that women should be treated equally to men...
Except when women are treated better.

So a 103 year old man has married a 91 year old woman.
He couldn't find someone his own age?

I said to the doctor, "Could I have some tablets. I always get pains in my wrist after sex."
He said, "How long do they last?"
I said, "Usually until the police remove the handcuffs."

A man goes to the Doctor : He said "Doc I think I've got diabetes"
"What makes you think that?" replies the Doctor
"Well every time I fart I find candy floss in my underpants"

My Gran has diarrhoea. It's disgusting.
It almost made me want to take down the webcam in her bathroom. Almost.

After finding out that I had been having an affair my wife insisted that she would get her own back.
Two weeks later she confessed to sleeping with my best mate.
Jokes on her though, he's the one who gave me AIDS.

Although Stephen Hawking is disabled, he still remembers his first memory,
256k RAM

My brother and I laugh at how competitive we were as kids.
But I laugh more.

Don't try to understand women.
Women understand women and they hate each other.

How do you get every woman you ask to agree to having dinner with you?
Move to Ethiopia.

"Are you going to read Neil Armstrong’s biography?"
"Nah, He dies in the end".

I always keep a golf club by the side of my bed when I'm asleep.
Just so if anyone breaks in, they'll know I play golf and that I'm too boring to have anything worth stealing.